Amps and clamps and belly cramps

As some of you may know, I'm no stranger to having electric currents run through my body and have gingerly experimented with this in the past.

Some time ago I bought a weighing scales and body fat monitor that works by shooting a current up one leg and down the other, thereby calculating the percentage of fat in my legs and allowing me to believe that I am hale and hearty by completely ignoring my substantial beer gut.

I've also taken to holding my car keys to my head when pressing the unlock button - the signal is amplified by my brain and allows me to open the car from a greater distance.

My next adventure will be a pulse and blood pressure monitor that sends electric charges along my arm (to help me justify all the time that I spend sitting down) and I'm considering wiring myself up to the mains in the near future to give my remaining hair that extra body and lift.

If you know of any gadgets or procedures that send electric currents through the body, do let me know. Hopefully, by the time the government catches up with me, I'll be well able for that electric chair.